I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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