The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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