His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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