Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
