if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize