spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
