I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
