i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My vagina just clenched in fear
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
