Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
