I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
