I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
