Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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