I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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