So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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