It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
