Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
ttyl tear gas
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I fill condoms, not promises.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
