i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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