you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
