she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize