My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
