He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
