i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
