its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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