I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
