I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
