just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
