i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
