Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
