you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
