I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
