I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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