This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
