Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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