there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
