How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
