Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just tell him i said nine months
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
