this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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