No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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