Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
