Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Everyone says I win the strip club
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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