I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
