so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We left an ass print on the piano.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
