does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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