he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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