you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
