If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
