found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
