Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
