he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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