We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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