after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize