Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
