eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I could fuck to npr.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
