I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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