I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
