Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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