dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
either way he was missing a nipple.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
