My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Randomize