is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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