dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
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