I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
COCAINE IS GR8
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
