I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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