Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I am midnight drunk by noon
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
