Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
