When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
