You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize