Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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