So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My feet surprised me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
