i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
high people should be assigned attendants
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
