While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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