I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize