I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
