I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
